So on my second day after Ketamine I experienced a dreaded mixed episode. I was crawling out of my skin and unable to interact with anyone or function. There is nothing like this feeling of absolute anguish. It is at these times that I want the pain and suffering to stop so badly that I regularly consider suicide because I cannot see any way out.
I was unable to sleep at all and simply lay in bed thrashing about as it was impossible to feel comfortable. In the past, Seroquel has helped my sleep during these episodes and I’ve come to use it sparingly because I want to save it for times like this and find that if I use it regularly, it does not have the same sedating effect. However, Seroquel did nothing for me during this episode.
I start TMS tomorrow and while I feel like the 24 hours I spent in that mixed state are passed, I have no confidence that those symptoms will not return and I have no reassurance that the TMS will not trigger them. It sounds like some patients experience mania as a result of TMS. I have never experienced euphoric mania. Only mixed states. And nothing is more terrifying.
None of the Fun 